I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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