"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
