did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
