all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize