when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
