I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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