You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize