It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
