don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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