Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
