Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
