listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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