I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
