GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
