I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
