I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
