I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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