and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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