I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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