dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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