mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
