So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You made out with two different species that night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
