Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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