I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
