Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
