also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
