My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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