I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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