You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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