when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
