You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
