Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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