She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
