pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
