No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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