When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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