I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
