Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize