Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
