you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
