Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize