"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
