The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
