i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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