Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
