All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
