We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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