Can Purell be used as lube?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
