that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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