The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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