I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize