I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
