I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I deserve this hangover.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize