I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
