WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
