Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
