He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
