I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
operation harelip BJ is a go
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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