nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
