I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate all girls vehemently.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
