Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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