Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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