Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
