I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
