The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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