I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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