Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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