She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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