I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Blood and glitter go together right?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
